"Watch that reentry; it's a bit bumpy."-Marty McFly

I thought I should post something about the reentry process. Someone at the transitional retreat, J.C., said it made her feel like she had gone back to the future. I kind of feel like that now as I sit in a sparsely furnished apartment in the midwest working for a hotel. Three qualities that described my life before being a YAV. For my part, I feel really jostled, like riding in a bumper car. I had been living here for a month, trying to put the pieces together to see what the puzzle called my life looked like now when I was laid off from my hotel position. I wonder if I made a mistake coming here to Kansas City. My friends tried to caution me not to be so loyal to hotel companies, that maybe I should look into something different. I didn't really listen, I couldn't think or even imagine what I might do other than hotels now that my year was over. TodayI had interviews with 2 other hotels and expect to hear back tomorrow. It seems I have no other option than to work for a hotel, at least at the moment. I have a six month lease to fill, so I'm not leaving KC just yet. In the meantime, I will be praying, waiting, and watching for the right mission opportunity. That's how I got out of the hotel business the first time. I heard about the YAV program from a friend. I think that sometimes it takes a few tries before you find what God wants you to do. If you don't get it the first time, there's always another chance to change. Hopefully, I will be changing my locale soon.

"All I Can Do is the Best I Can Do"

So much for my leave of absence theory. I had initially thought that I would live a year in New Orleans, then go back to my job at the hotel. Well, this has not come to pass. There are no jobs available there and I find myself with nowhere to go. I would be really upset about not being able to return to my life in Oklahoma, but I realize it's not really mine. I don't control my own life. Let me say that again; I do not control my own life. This year I have had many excercises in letting go. This is another thing I must learn to live without. I will not have the comfort of familiar places and people. The thought of moving to a new city again is scary. The whole thing of learning your way around someplace previously unknown means memorizing new streets, working with new people, acquiesing to a new community, and starting up a whole new group of friends. I have and I will continue to job hunt, but I am not going to put so much pressure on myself anymore. Things will come in their own time.

A Year of Change

It's funny how I talk about spiritual and personal growth in my last post. It's two months later and I am still thinking along the same lines. I look at myself a year ago, who I was and what I did, and I see alot of changes. At this time last year I had just started seeing someone, was working a good job at a hotel, and really wanted to do something important. This sense of importance is what drove me to get involved with the program that would bring me to New Orleans. I was such a different person back then. I really needed this year to loosen me up and shake me up. I thought that everything had to be just so, but now I realize there are few things, if any that actually have to be a certain way. Living with three other people has taught me that we are all different and do things in our own way. The big realization is: This is okay. I have grown alot this past year and the more I grow, the more I see how much I need to change.

Time flies...

We have one week left in April and I'm wondering where all the time went. Between the Mardi Gras parades, the Irish and Italian parades, and Easter I have been busy working and playing hard. I have enjoyed every moment of my time here in New Orleans (even the one's that seemed unpleasant at the time). I have grown a lot because of them and I think it has all been worthwhile. Now I have three months left, and it is time I start thinking about the future. While I would like to stay here, (New Orleans has been very good to me.) I think perhaps it is time I go somewhere else. Staying here would be lots of fun, but I wonder if by August I'll have done all the growing I can do here. Living in New Orleans changes a person, but change is not unlimited. There comes a time in every chapter of your life in which you must move on. I wish I knew where I am meant to move next, but I have never known this before and it hasn't keept me from anything. I have always ended up in the right place somehow.

Mardi Gras & Beyond!!!

Well, I managed to make it through Mardi Gras with my dignity in tact. The trick is: stay out of the French Quarter! My friends set-up at the same spot on St. Charles every year. They take a ladder on wheels with a bench at the top, and use it like a dolly to carry all their chairs and a table. It's really a lot of fun because you sit in your chair and talk to your friends and eat snacks and play games and wait for the parade to start. The fire truck comes down the street followed by a high school or college band and then the first float. Every parade has a theme, and all their floats are designed using that theme. They are elaborately decorated and carry dozens of people down the street throwing beads and other trinkets at the parade goers below. When a float comes by you wave your arms and scream "Throw me something!" If you're standing on the ground you also jump up and down to attract more attention to yourself. Being up on a ladder has its' advantages. You can see the parade a lot better and the Krewe members can see you better. Many times you get your best "throws" from being on a ladder. You may catch stuffed animals, plastic cups, glow sticks, light up toys, candy, metal coins called dubloons, or any number of specially designed beads. Some of them have plastic medallions or seals with the insignia of that Krewe and their theme for the year. Others have heavy clay beads representing a New Orleans icon such as crawfish or beignets. Some of the more coveted and collectible beads are the famed Czech glass beads. During the first half of the last century these were really common and incredibly popular. They stopped throwing them for awhile, due to either the cost of beads in a slow economy or for the sake of safety. Just within the past few years they have begun to throw them again. It's quite ironic, everyone wants to catch as many beads as they can, but nobody wants them after Mardi Gras is over. Most people store all the hundreds of beads they have collected in the attic where they pile up for years!

Problem?

I haven't be feeling good lately and I don't know why. I just have the feeling that something is wrong. I don't know if its because I've had difficulty lately with knowing what to do after my year is over, or because my work seems to have musroomed over the last week, or maybe I feel a sense of frustration over being here for 5 months and not knowing anyone outside of the people I work with. Now that I have the van to drive, I want to go and do things, but It's hard because I don't want to go by myself, and the people I know aren't available when I'm off. They have normal working hours. This is such a great city, I want to explore it more fully. I also think that I've been feeling bad for missed opportunities. I didn't go to Frenchman during Halloween, I wasn't able to be here for New Year's and I want to have gone to that Hornets game with the guys. I only have one year and so every day counts.

Movies and Mayhem

I went home during Christmas break. Things changed while I was there and I had to reschedule my flight. I ended up spending a few extra days in town, and My Dad thought it would be fun to watch some movies while I was there. He asked me if I had seen the film "The Dark Knight". I told him yes, you already asked me that. "oh, I did?" he said. "Yes, the other day" I said. Apparently he thought this was funny because he kept asking me throughout the rest of the week if I had seen it. That Saturday he drove me down to Oklahoma so I could catch my plane the next day. I spent the night at my hotel again. I walked him out to the car, and as he drove away, I waved at him and he waved back. Then he stopped the car, and hollered my name. I thought he was going to tell me something important, something he had forgotten to mention perhaps. "Have you seen The Dark Knight?" he asked with a wide grin. I couldn't believe it. "oh, my gosh!" I thought in half-amazed laughter, He just can't help it. I turned and walked back into the hotel. He will always be my dad, I thought. Things may go and things may change but he will always be my dad.